


Not Our Time

by HelloHeadquarters



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst without a happy ending, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:46:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloHeadquarters/pseuds/HelloHeadquarters
Summary: It doesn't take long for Elliott Witt, who wears his heart on his sleeve, to be hurt by his enemies with benefits arrangement with Taejoon. No happy ending but also a slightly ambiguous one too, I guess.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Not Our Time

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be funny, which explains the mood whiplash.
> 
> Also, I wrote sexy times.

Elliott let the shower run for a moment, just staring at his rapidly fogging reflection as he contemplated what he had just done. 

It had just been a match, another one to add to the dozens he had fought in before but this one had been something different. Something alarming. 

He had been holed up in a fancy building, complete with agriculture and a water feature, desperately trying to replenish his shields when Hyeon had leapt out from behind a supply bin like a damn ninja and downed him. His low level shield had provided little safety as Hyeon shredded it with his spitfire and then it was just the two of them, the distant sounds of gunfire a soundtrack to what was surely about to be Eliott's humiliation.

Then the hacker had pinned him down, straddling him so they were easily closer than they had ever been, and Elliott had short circuited. 

There was just something about the whole situation. Hyeon pressed against all of his important parts _so heavily_ , and when Elliott had feebly reached up to push him away Hyeon had batted his hand away like it was nothing. Elliott had been so aware of the bite of Hyeon's hips against his own right up until the hacker had punched him in the face and thankfully ended his match before he could embarrass himself. 

When he had come to in the med wing, he had quickly bluffed out the idea that he was fine, no really, before any awkward questions could be asked about his spiking blood pressure. How the hell was he supposed to explain it had little to do with the fact that he had so recently been being shot at from seventeen different directions and was instead because he was currently sporting a hard on he could have easily used to display the flags of all nations?

He had scurried back to his private quarters like a man possessed, which in essence he really was, because nothing else consumed him at that moment except the idea of getting his hands on his dick and allowing his mind to work it's magic replaying Hyeon's actions over and over again. 

Having locked the door to his room, Elliott could hear the rush if blood pounding in his ears. It had been so long since he'd felt a, well, _horniness_ like this, an all encompassing need to come because the alternative was a lot like torture.

He divested himself of his pants and underwear like a fucking magician and fell on to his bed already stroking himself, eyes closed as he feverourishly worked at his dick, gasping out groans and stuttered versions of Hyeon's name.

When it was over, he felt a creeping sense of shame, and had beelined to the bathroom intent on washing away the evidence that coated his torso. Until now, Hyeon Kim had been nothing more than a blip on the radar that was Elliott's imagined charmed life, a little bit of flavour text to give him more grounding. Now he was the reason Elliott was sticky, uncomfortable, and a little bit curious about how long it would take for him to recover so he could do it all over again. 

Nevertheless, a little bit of manual reprieve would only sustain him for so long, and as he stared grimly at his distorted reflection he realised that a very basic part of him was yelling at him to actually get physical with the hacker. He wanted to screw him until he saw stars, he wanted to worship every inch of him but when he let himself think far enough he realised that there was no way that Hyeon would ever be thinking along the same lines. He felt disgusting, and resolved to never think about the other man in a sexual context ever again.

-

Two rooms over, Taejoon Park was cleaning himself off with a towel and wondering just what the fuck was up. He'd taken Elliott out of the running before, no question, but never had he done it at such close quarters. His mind was buzzing with the memory of Elliott squirming beneath him, the feel of his hips against his own as he had reached up with his well muscled arm to try to fend Taejoon off. It had only been a momentary realisation of what he was feeling that had caused Taejoon to take charge and end the nonsense, but the sight of the death box left behind by Elliott had only made him feel off.

Another squad had come by to take advantage of the fact that they were still healing from their last encounter and Taejoon had followed Elliott to the med wing not long after. What he didn't know was how similar his following actions had been to Elliott's, excusing himself rapidly so he could steal away to his room and deal with the sudden problem that had appeared out of nowhere. 

Taejoon was still himself, at the end of the day, and he occasionally found himself in a state of pent up need, but he had never felt it quite like this. Elliott Witt was a pain in his ass, had been since the day they met, but he had never had these sorts of ideas about the man at all. Usually he would take care of business as it arose and then get on with his day, but even after he had expelled himself over his hand and stomach he still felt an empty sort of need. His mind was locked on Elliott now, for whatever reason, and he felt terrible. Elliott had been at his mercy in the ring, and now he was using that memory to get himself off. 

He needed a shower. He needed sleep. He wanted something else. He wanted Elliott in front of him, beneath his hands but squirming this time in an entirely different way. Oh... Oh no. He sighed and rolled off of his bed.

-

Elliott woke the next morning still housing the feeling of wrong doing somewhere deep within him. He had the furious desire to apologise to Hyeon, and while he knew how stupid that really was he couldn't deny it. Instead he made his way to the communal kitchen and was unsurprised to see Hyeon there, such was his bad luck.

"Hey," he said, as he fixed himself some breakfast. "Good hussle out there yesterday."

Unless he was mistaken, it seemed as though Hyeon couldn't quite meet his eye. It was still early; Elliott's tumultuous thoughts hadn't really allowed him a peaceful rest, and it was just the two of them in the still complex with the soft tones of birdsong to accompany them.

"Thank you," Hyeon muttered, turning away.

Elliott was suddenly seized by the impossible idea that Hyeon somehow knew what he had done, and he coughed loudly to cover the awkwardness he had invented all on his own.

Hyeon had his back to him, leaning against the counter and there was the tiniest tick deep in Elliott's chest. He wanted to reach out, to get closer and press himself against the broad shoulders that were presented to him as Hyeon busied himself with his own meal.

The air was weirdly thick with it, and Elliott, who had become accustomed to the feeling of desire in the air following a myriad of meet and greets with his fans, leaned into it, despite his own misgivings. 

"You're stronger than you look," he continued, painfully aware of the sultriness he afforded his own tones as he stepped closer. For his part at least, Hyeon didn't seem to tense or try to make a break for it, so Elliott pressed on.

"Couldn't have gotten out from beneath that pin if I tried," he practically purred. 

Hyeon turned around. He was still dressed in his sleep wear, a loose tee shirt and sweatpants, and he curled his fingers against the edge of the counter, tensing the muscles in his arms. 

"We're supposed to kill each other, after all," Hyeon said softly, but his tongue darted out just a little to worry at his bottom lip and Elliott knew he was supposed to see it for it was. An invitation.

He stepped even closer, close enough now that there was no room left to make out anything else except his intent.

"I was very impressed," he said softly.as Hyeon drew in a short breath. "Very."

Hyeon held his gaze, but Elliott saw what was there. He felt it. 

"Hmm," Hyeon replied lightly, his eyes laser focused on Elliott's own lips. 

"Ok," Elliott said shortly. "I'm doing this."

He gently pressed his lips to Hyeon's, softly enough for the other man to get away if he wanted, to push him off and add to the list of things Elliott had gotten wrong over the course of his life. Instead, however, Hyeon pressed back, almost so fierce that Elliott lost his footing and was forced to grab on to Hyeon's hips just to keep his balance. 

Hyeon whined against his mouth as Elliott took charge, grinding himself against Hyeon as he continued to kiss him. His hands found their way beneath his shirt and the idea that they could be caught at any moment was forgotten as he finally caught sight of what Hyeon had been hiding beneath his clothes this whole time.

Defined but still wiry, Elliott sighed as his hands worked their way up Hyeon's torso. It was better than anything his imagination had supplied, and he was keen to take it all in while he had the chance. His own dick was already well to attention, and he couldn't resist letting his hands roam lower to see if Hyeon was in a similar state. 

He was rewarded by a solid hardness against the flat of his hand and he groaned at the feeling, relief flooding him to know that Hyeon wanted this just as much as he did. 

With all the permission he needed, Elliott pressed one last kiss to Hyeon before sinking to his knees and yanking his pants down in one quick movement. By the time his lips were securely sealed around Hyeon's dick, the other man already had his fingers tangled in Elliott's curls and was hissing out a litany of Korean that Ellott didn't understand but which he took as a good sign. 

He was no amateur when it came to sucking cock, and the idea was affirmed by the careless, almost feral moaning of the man on front of him. Whatever Hyeon pretended to be Elliott was easily dismantling as the hacker canted his hips jarringly.

Elliott went all in, driving his face against Taejoon to take him as deep as possible.

"Fuck," Hyeon breathed, and Elliott could almost sense the tensing of his muscles, his own dick twitching in apprehension for what he was about to receive. 

With an almost soft groan, Taejoon came down his throat, his hips bucking and stuttering as he rode out his orgasm.

Elliott moaned around the other man's cock. He could feel himself, strained and leaking as he reached down, stroking himself in time with each pulse of Taejoon's dick, and as he felt the last expulsion against his tongue Elliott came harder than he had in a long time, coating his knuckles with his release.

It was hard to speak but he forced himself to release Taejoon from his mouth long enough to release a string of praise.

"Fucking hell, that was..." he began, well aware that he would have to mop the floor before anyone else arrived to ask awkward questions. "I mean, fuck..." Elliott's breath was still coming out in short bursts, but as he smiled at Hyeon the other man turned his face away.

He knew the look. Hyeon was ashamed. He quickly decided to stamp out any such nonsense and cupped Taejoon's chin in hand. "That was amazing," he breathed as he forced Hyeon to look at him.

"I didn't even do anything," Hyeon muttered, turning his eyes away.

Elliott let out a small, breathy chuckle. "I've got a mess on my hands that says otherwise."

Still, it seemed that words alone were not enough to assuage whatever the hell it was Hyeon was feeling, and Elliott chose to take the path of least resistance and allow him to take his leave while assuring him he would erase all trace of evidence of what they had done.

-

Elliott didn't see Hyeon for the rest of the day. What had started as elation at their encounter soon morphed into shame. Though he hadn't pushed Elliott away, he still couldn't shake the feeling that he had somehow made Hyeon uncomfortable, and it grated on him something fierce. He figured the best thing he could do was to give him space, both for Hyeon's sake and his own, and that would have all been well and good if Hyeon hadn't hammered on his door the next day.

-

Elliott choked out the other man's name as he thrust himself further against him, a waterfall of praise and curses in equal measure spilling from his lips as the hacker groaned beneath him. This was what he wanted, Elliott was brave enough to accept the fact. After all the shit between them he had found himself somewhere where he craved Hyeon, wanted him so badly he could think of little else, and the favour was returned when Hyeon growled out his name like a promise and spilled against his silk sheets.

-

It didn't take long for their rendezvous to become almost predictable. One bad match on Elliott's part would end with him on his knees and pleading before the hacker to give him what he needed to make the bad feelings go away, and Elliott soon came to realise that a few days of reclusive behaviour would inevitably end with Taejoon gasping his real name as he took him in the darkness. 

The worst part for Elliott was awfterwards. He felt small and ashamed that he craved another level of intimacy, a level where Hyeon would hold him and maybe gently kiss his temple and assure him that he was more than just the body he inhabited, but those moments never came. Hyeon was always quick to excuse himself, and seeing the man in the harsh light of day where he was exposed before the others held no recognition of their arrangement at all. If Elliott ever missed him, ever fantasized about a way that they could ever be more than what they were, they were private thoughts held only in his own head, thoughts that tortured him and left him feeling hollow.

-

In then end, it was Natalie, of all people, who made Elliott speak up. Her mistrust of Hyeon, her refusal to believe in his innocence stirred something within Elliott that made him ache so deeply that he could hardly believe he had tried to convince himself that his feelings for Hyeon were purely physical. Their activities were the worst kind of secret, and Elliott could no longer deny that he wanted more, he wanted to do things that meant something.

He wanted to protect Hyeon, and he wanted him to know that he was loved.

Because fuck it all, he _did_ love him. Loved him in a way that had crept up on him unbidden and unwanted. He wanted only to cherish him, to list all the stupid shit that made Hyeon so much more than the guy he fucked when life was getting him down. He wanted to adore him.

So he did.

-

Hyeon wasn't much for taking, and when Elliott opened his door to be met only with lips crashing against his own he found himself pushing the other man away.

"Enough," he said heavily, and there it was again, the shame that only repeated performances had managed to wash away from Hyeon's features but Elliott paid it no mind.

"This is a bad time," Hyeon muttered, already turning to leave. He never asked questions. He just accepted everything for what he felt it was and said so but Elliott was not willing to let him believe a half truth. He was scared of what he felt, no doubt about it, but he had spent his life afraid of being seen, really seen for what he was, and when it came to Hyeon he finally realised that some things were not important.

"Wait," he pleaded softly, and Hyeon, for all of his compartmentalized feelings, did.

"I can't do this anymore," Elliott said, but the hand he left lingering on Hyeon's arm was not immediately shaken away. He took this as a good sign. 

"I want more," he said, his voice suddenly so loud as Hyeon looked at him, sadness and fear painting his features. "I want you."

Elliott took a deep breath.

"I need you."

And another.

"I love... you."

Hyeon seemed to break, like an imploding star that wanted nothing more than to hide away inside himself. They weren't supposed to talk about it, and Elliott was suddenly certain that he had fucked up again. He was supposed to be the easy thing, the thing unspoken and not worried about because the world could punch and kick and screw Hyeon over all it wanted but for the blessed few moments when he and Elliott were fucking, nothing about that mattered. Elliott was supposed to be nothing outside of the lustful moments they shared, and he was a fool and a bastard to speak and add to the weight Hyeon carried with him always.

"I'm sorry," was all Hyeon said before leaving Elliott alone.

-

For days, Elliott pined. It soon transformed from pity to jealousy and he found himself hyper aware of every single one of Hyeon's interactions with the others, wondering on the periphery of his mind if maybe Hyeon had been fucking them too, and he was just a name to be crossed off a list as no longer viable.

He became inconsolable, his heart aching like a stone in his chest and he wished that he had never said anything because missing what he had had with Hyeon hurt so much even though it wasn't what he really wanted, and he would have given all that he was just to feel his skin beneath his fingertips once again, to taste him and have him and hear him shout his name. He was pathetic, the stupid idiot everyone always took him for, and he felt nothing but sorrow at what he had lost. Being Hyeon's reprieve, even if he did not love him, seemed so much more preferable than not having him at all.

-

Months went by. Hyeon could barely look at him let alone speak to him and Elliott felt disgusting. He felt low and basic and awful, and he missed him terribly. He hated how unaffected Hyeon seemed; losing his occasional fuck toy didn't seem to bother him at all, and once again Elliott had fallen for someone who only ever wanted what was on the outside, and who became repulsed by his humanity.

Elliott was in love with a man who despised him. 

He tried to stop. He took random patrons home from the bar but when the time came to do the deed he was overwhelmed by how not Hyeon they were and he inevitably sent them all on their way. When his anguish took a back seat to his more basic urges, images of firm bodies and willing hands were soon replaced with Hyeon's face, and he would come almost bitterly, the skin of his hand held tightly between his teeth to spare him the indignity of calling out the hacker's name.

-

It was with a sense of finality that Elliott's fingers tapped against the keys of his computer. He typed out his resignation from the Games as if it were a declaration of war, knowing now that he could never get over Hyeon while they shared so close a space, and for his own sake he needed to get out because it didn't seem as if Hyeon was going anywhere.

He sent it off without hesitating, knowing that letting go of Mirage was the next best thing to letting go of Hyeon, and he had to do one to be able to do the other. Elliott loved Hyeon, even now, but he was starting to believe that it had been Mirage that Hyeon was fucking the whole time. 

-

His last match flamed in blaze of glory. It didn't matter if he had won or lost, only that he had been there, that he had made his last mark on this terrible sport before taking his leave. For all that he was lost, Elliott remained still more than his infatuation, and when evening fell there was a party in his honour he was only too happy to star in.

As the night went on and the others excused themselves, it was only Elliott who remained awake and it was just as he was taking stock of the last time they would all be together when he felt a hand at the small of his back.

"I really am sorry."

They hadn't been this close in months. Elliott drank in every inch of Hyeon before him, knowing it was his last chance.

"Not your fault," he muttered.

Hyeon took a step back and sighed. "I don't... I-"

Elliott gave in to his longing and stepped closer. "What?"

"It is nothing."

Elliott felt an odd sort of anger rise up within him. "Tell me. You owe me that much at least."

Hyeon reached out a hand, laying it gently against Elliott's cheek. "It doesn't seem fair," he said softly.

"Nothing ever is."

Hyeon took his hand away. "There... there are things about me you do not know. Things I cannot say. But I would never forgive myself if I did not say this."

Elliott looked at him, a strange coldness sweeping over him. "So say it."

Hyeon ran a hand through his hair. "The life I lead, here, it is... It not my own. It is not without its terrible reasons. I am just so sorry if you ever felt used by me."

Elliott swallowed. "But I was."

"Yes," Hyeon said heavily. "You were."

He dropped his hand to his side. "Your leaving, it is because of me, yes?"

"Yes."

Hyeon screwed his eyes tightly closed. "I do not know if what I am about to tell you is cruel or kind, and perhaps I should not say it at all."

Elliott let out a mirthless breath. "Little too late now," he said pointedly.

"Yes, I see that." Hyeon reached down and took Elliott's hand in his own. "I expect nothing from you, but I do... adore you. I do."

Elliott felt blindsided. Whatever he had expected to hear, it wasn't that.

"More than I should. I should never have been so weak, I should have refused you but it was the most difficult thing I had ever had to do to let you go when I realised how deeply you felt. As I said, my life is not only for me, and there are things I must do, things I could never do if I ever allowed myself to-"

He trailed off and went to pull away, but Elliott tightened his own grip on Hyeon's fingers.

"Just give me this. Please. Before I go."

Hyeon didn't answer immediately, but after a moment he leant forward and kissed Elliott tenderly.

"That was perhaps unkind of me but I want you to know. Were it up to me, were I able to choose my own happy ending... It would always have been you, Elliott."

Elliott closed his eyes, the faint sting of Hyeon still warm against his lips. "But it isn't," he said.

"No," Hyeon replied. "When you said the things you did I became afraid, scared that I had allowed myself to lose sight of the real reason I am here."

"Which is?"

Hyeon only frowned at him.

"Alright. Ok. You can't tell me, I get it."

Hyeon kissed him again. There was a finality in the act but also had the slightest hint of maybe, someday. "Be happy, Elliott Witt," he said softly.

"Without you?" 

"In spite of me."


End file.
